No Love Lost

!!! Spoiler Alert !!!
If the ‘LOST’ finale is still on your TIVO
Stop reading now!!!

______________________________

OK…first off, I’ll just say that while I may not be the most die-hard ‘Lost’ fan out there, I still have invested 6 stinking years of my life following the survivors of Oceanic Airways Flight 815, the Others, the Hatch, Jacob & the Smoke Monster, the Flash-Backs, Flash-Forwards & Flash-Sideways, Quantum Physics and Electromagnetic Forces, the four-toed statue, Mr. Cluck’s Chicken Shack, whether Richard Alpert uses mascara on his eyes and…those God-damned polar bears…..so after sitting through four and half hours of the ‘Lost’ series finale (five and half, if you count the wrap-up on Kimmel!), one word can sum up my feelings…DISAPPOINTED !!! I could Monday-Morning Quarterback this well into Tuesday, but the main things that bugged me were…

1. For a series that was consistently fast-paced and full of action, the finale plodded along as though it were stuck in quicksand. Cast member throwing each other long, meaningful glances leading to flashbacks bathed in warm, glowing light, all framed with the sappiest soap opera-esque musical accompaniment you could ever imagine! Half-way through the show I realized that despite the fact a few of the ‘Big Ticket Items’ were finally being revealed, I actually caught myself getting bored by the way the story was unfolding! And I never got bored by ‘Lost’!!! And what little action that was present seemed amateurish compared to what came before…a slow-motion Jack jumping in the air to punch Locke/MIB/Smokey looked like an out-take from ‘300’ and Kate finally killing Locke by shooting him in the back was not only telegraphed earlier in the show (“You might wanna save your bullets!”), but a totally unsatisfying way to dispatch the root of the island’s evil! This was how the final battle between Good & Evil I’ve waited for all these years ends…with an off-camera shot in the back?!! And finally, the ‘special effects’ employed when Jack replaced the cork-like rock to restore the Island’s magic was hokey enough to qualify for “Worst of the Year” lists everywhere! Excuse me, but am I the only guy who saw it as a poorly realized, blatant rip-off of Spock’s death in “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan”…?!!

2. A major part of why the show dragged had to do with ABC’s decision to sell more ad time than I’ve ever seen in a finale like this. Here I thought the reason the show was going to be 2 1/2 hours was because they were cramming more story for the fans, but nooooooo….it was simply to squeeze every possible advertising dollar outta the show! The editing suffered horribly because of it…you would just be getting into a scene when suddenly the action would cut to an ad! I’m sure ABC is sitting on a giant pile of cash this morning, but they should still get a trip to the woodshed over that one!

3. I know a series like this can’t answer every single hanging question, but there were far too many things left to the viewers imagination after the screen faded to black, like…

• How did the explosion of the Hydrogen Bomb that ended last season fit into all this? Did it create the Flash-Sideways World that was Season Six? Was everybody already dead or is that was did them in?!!

• The Dharma Initiative…will somebody please tell me just how the Hell it got started? I dunno..maybe I missed that episode, but somebody had to come up with the initial idea of moving a few submarine-loads of workmen to a very hard-to-find island in the South Pacific to get to work on cracking that Electromagnetic Anomoly!

• Walt and Michael turn up outta nowhere, but I still don’t know what made Walt ‘special’ and how he kept turning up to warn people.

• THAT DAMNED FOUR-TOED GIANT ON THE BEACH !!!!!

Finally and most importantly…I would have liked to think that after all of the great writing and crazy action and red herrings and time travel and meticulously interwoven story lines & relationships, the writers of this show…a truly memorable and groundbreaking production, I might add…could have come up with an ending a bit more satisfying than what to me was nothing but a religious cop-out with, “You’re all dead…walk into The Light!”. I realize that ‘Lost’ is simply a bit of modern mythology transmitted over the TV waves, but when it was all over I was left with the feeling that I just sat though a fifteen-course meal cooked by a Michelin 3-Star chef and for dessert he served me…ice cream! Yeah, everything up to this point was fabulous…..but ya’ couldn’t come up with a better finish than that?!!

Rant over…..but I really hope tonight’s Series-Ender for ’24’ is better!!!

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7 thoughts on “No Love Lost

  1. ’24’ SERIES FINALE SPOILER ALERT:
    Jack is dead and has been since the very start of the show. You’ve merely been spending too much time watching the dude across the street who really should saved a few dollars out of the purchase price to buy himself some blinds. Enjoy your ice cream!

  2. I’m assuming Brian knows that the dude across the street is Keifer. But others may not know. Ummmm….Brad……slow day?

  3. jodi would like to say hi Cathy!
    (and thanks for the vehicle of course Brad!)

    Cathy…Jodi……Jodi…Cathy….how was that?!! BT

  4. Brad, I’m with you.. This was too easy an ending for this show. I don’t mind the issue of faith and religion, but I think it was way too neat to wrap it up in a warm glow. It doesn’t make sense. I think the show bailed on giving us a good ending. You are right, not everything needs to be explained.
    But in regards to the Dahrma initiative. That was explained. I think season 4. Widmore funded it all as a cover up to explore the island’s powers.
    As far as Walt being special, the one theory that made any sort of sense was that when they first crashed on the island, time went haywire. if you recall that when Ben spun the donkey wheel to move the island, it used the islands power. Much like when Desmond didn’t hit the button that one fateful time. So what happened is that Oceanic 815 crashed on the island as it was moving through time. Well, it went back in time before Walt was born. That is why he was weird. Because he existed outside the island time. OK, it’s just internet theory talk, but still pretty decent.
    Anyway, I wish I could have walked away more satisfied, but I am not. Too bad.

    Bzzt! Wrong, but thanks for playing our game! After I read your reply, I got dragged down into a Google Hole and came up with this…

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanso_Foundation

    It seems, the ‘Hanso Foundation’, whatever the High Holy Hell that is, funded the Dharma Initiative, not that any viewer of the show would know that because the information was only available if you were geeky enough to play ‘The LOST Experience’, an alternate reality game tied to the series that ‘reveals’ things not in the actual TV show! So I guess it’s now incumbent on viewers of ridiculous television programs to totally immerse themselves in all the minutiae, sub-strata and money-making marketing crap the show’s creators toss out in order to understand just what the Hell is going on!!!

  5. Dear Brad:
    I don’t know what this Lost is. What are you talking about
    with such abandon? You are not talking to me.
    You seem completely out of your mind…. nothing new!
    Ciao
    Enrico

  6. OMG! I have not seen the end yet! Now that I have read about it I might not even bother! LOST was my total commitment for a very long time but now…I am devastated!
    Well, good job, I might now be able to do better stuff like spend more time with the family, walk the dog, read, study, or even exercise more!
    Thanks for sharing!
    🙂
    The new ME shall emerge!

  7. A few other questions left unanswered:

    1) how did the whole time travel thing take place?

    2) How did the turn-wheel move the island — and if the wheel was created by the group that Jacob’s mother killed off, how did it end up with the dharma people? (oh, and how were a bunch of primitive stowaways able to figure out how to “manipulate the light and water” to change time and space?!)

    3) How did Jacob get off the island to find all his candidates?

    4) If the smoke monster was the ghost of Jack’s father, and the smoke monster was unable to get off the island, how did Jack see his father’s ghost in LA before returning to the Island?

    5) Why were no kids able to be born on the Island?

    6) What was the Temple, and how was the Asian martial arts dude able to protect it?

    7) What made Danielle Russo’s French buddies become “sick” or “crazy” when they went into the temple

    8a) How did Jacob’s mother get to the island?

    8b) What did she mean by, “now you’re like me”?

    8c) How did Jacob bestow everlasting life on Richard?

    9) What the fuck was the “light” anyway?

    10) Why did Jack agree to stay and protect the island after a 2-minute vague explanation by the dead ghost of Jacob. It was almost as if Jacob was assuming that Jack and the rest of them had watched the previous episode about how Jacob became Jacob!

    11) How exactly did Jacob’s brother turn into a smoke monster?

    12) Why were the ghosts of the people who died on the island stuck there?

    13) Where did the huge statue on the island come from?

    14) How did Jacob’s lighthouse work?

    15) Why were Hurly’s numbers so unlucky? (the fact that they were written on the side of the hatch doesn’t explain their “evil power”)

    16) How and why did the Dharma people get there?

    17) How and why did the “Other others” — led first by Whitmore, and then by Richard, get there?

    18) Most importantly — how did the characters go without eating, drinking or shitting for the entire last season? That part was such a major issue in the first few seasons! LOL

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